I recently wrote an introductory post introducing this blog and the reason why I started it in the first place. Now I feel the need to introduce myself. In order to truly understand where this blog is coming from and why it is what it is, you need to understand me. I made a promise to myself that I would be honest in everything that I write, even if it ruffles feathers, so without further ado….
First things first, I am a total introvert…. And by introvert I mean I could be a hermit and be totally happy. I’m not someone who generally gets lonely. I don’t feel the need to talk to people on a regular basis (even the people I live with… yes I know, go ahead and judge me). That’s not to say I don’t enjoy talking to people or that I don’t talk to people every day, it just means that I don’t feel the NEED to do so, like others do. Take my mother for instance, she NEEDS to talk to people, constantly. She’s one of those people that starts talking as soon as she wakes up and doesn’t stop until she goes to sleep. If for some reason her phone is out and she’s stuck home (like today, because of snow), she gets restless and unhappy. She admits freely that she needs to talk and be around people. She doesn’t like being alone. Me on the other hand, I like being alone. I like being by myself, alone with my thoughts. I value alone time very highly, to the point where if I don’t have it on a regular basis, I get restless and uneasy, and then a bit crazy. I currently live with 4 other people, 3 of which tend to be loud and… well… clingy. Needless to say, I spend a lot of time shut up in my room, outside, or anywhere I can be alone and enjoy some quiet. Quiet time is precious.
I’ve always been introverted, and probably always will be, unless some miracle happens. I’ve always been the girl who prefers to stand off to the side or in the corner at a get-together, rather than be in the mix/crowd. I suck at reaching out to people and making that first move…. Actually, I’m down right terrified of it. They use to call me “shy” when I was a kid… Now they just call me “unsociable”, “distant”, “uninterested”, and, my favorite, “stuck up”. That’s how people perceive my quiet, introverted way. They just assume that I have to be unsociable or stuck up or something, God forbid I’m actually a nice person who would love to have a conversation with you, it’s just that I suck at being social and outgoing. I’ve spent a good part of my young life wishing with all my might that I could be that bubbly, outgoing, fearless person, you know, the popular cheerleader who has loads of friends and the best looking guy. Oh how I’d agonize over trying to be more outgoing and less terrified of everything social. But here’s the thing, that’s just not me. Over the last few years I’ve come to realize that I will never be that person… and more importantly, that it’s ok that I’m not that person. God made me the way I am on purpose, if he thought it a good idea and necessary to make me the person I am, then why should I question that? I’ve grown quite comfortable with myself over the last few years, learning to accept myself faults and all, and be content with who I am at every point in life. We as humans are constantly changing and reinventing ourselves, we’re not who we were a year ago and we won’t be the same person a year from now. One of the beauties of life is the fact that we are always changing, they may not be huge changes, but we certainly do change throughout life. I know I can honestly say that I am definitely not the same person today that I was 6 years ago. I’ve grown, matured, and learned a great deal about myself….and God. He plays a huge role in my life these days. (I feel like that’s sort of ridiculous to say, “God plays a huge role in my life”. He created me, so I’d say He doesn’t play any role, rather I’m the one playing the role, He’s the director.)
The reason I’m rambling on about being introverted is because it plays a rather large role in why I started writing. Because I’m introverted I never really got up the courage to play sports or join clubs or try anything that would force me to get up in front of people…. Which is why I turned to writing. I’m told I have a natural talent for it, but of course I’m my own worst critic, so I’m not so sure that is true. Regardless of whether I’m good at it or not, I enjoy it, and in the grand scheme of things, isn’t that more important? I used a John Green quote in my first post “Writing Just In Case: An Introduction”, that stated, “Writing is something you do alone. It’s a profession for introverts who want to tell you a story but don’t want to make eye contact while doing it.” I always go back to this quote simply because it rings so true to me. I want to tell you all stories, I want to share, but I’m too chicken to tell it to your faces… so I write. I’ll most definitely be revealing more and more of myself (no, not in that way, get your mind out of the gutters guys, I know there’s a few that went there) as I build this blog, so for now I’ll wrap things up ****congratulations to those that hung on and stuck it out all the way through this long post! ***
Simple summary of who I am: 24 years old (will be 25 in February), born and raised in New York (no not the city, the state). Grew up in the country, roaming the hills and woods, love being outdoors. I’m a total bookaholic, ask anyone, and I could be describe as a book hoarder, hehe. I have a 6 year old rescue dog named Sophia, she’s the closest thing I have to a child currently and I’m just fine with that at the moment. I have 2 sisters, 2 parents, and a bunch of friends who love me and put up with my idiosyncrasies. I have a love for John Wayne and Old Hollywood movies that runs deep. I’m a Christian, saved since I was 21, baptized this year (2016) on September 11. I’m just a girl who has something to share and I hope you don’t mind. ;)
2017 is almost upon us and with this New Year comes many changes, God willing. I think we can all agree that 2016 was a rough year; I know it was for my family and me, in more ways than one. It was draining (both physically and emotionally), depressing, and just downright hard. The blows just kept coming, one after another, just when you thought it couldn’t get worse, bam! Another hit came, Illnesses, hospital runs, breakdowns, fighting, and everything in between. Let downs, dead ends, and brick walls kept showing up at every turn, making it impossible to make any headway towards a better life and a brighter future. But, with the darkness and hard times came a good deal of light and good times. The darkest times in life are very good at showing us what is truly important, what the true pleasures of life are. Ultimately, it is indeed the little things in life, the small pleasures that truly make a life rich and worth living. Late night chats about life with a sister, unplugging and going on a short camping trip, rallying around each other during the rough periods, the quiet support of friends, jokes, laughter, and a baptism scattered in between made life bearable. Those little moments (or big moments in the case of the last one) are gifts from God, little life preservers thrown to us when we’re drowning. The light always drives out the darkness in the end, sometimes it just takes a while.
My hope and prayer for 2017 is that it will be quieter, healthier, a little easier, less chaotic, and that we’ll all be able to achieve a few goals and dreams, or at least make a good start at it. I’m not someone who generally makes New Year’s Resolutions, but I’ve made a few for this coming year. Some of the resolutions on my list are fun, creative, easier ones, ones that I know I can at least get a good start on and achieve. Others on my list are more “long-term” goals, ones that I can get a start on and work on through this coming year, but probably won’t fully achieve by the end of 2017 (but who knows?). After 2016, I feel that I need a rest, a very long rest. I feel the need to recharge, step back and reassess. My hope is that we all get a much needed rest and an easy year!
All of this brings me to why I’m starting this little blog (Yes, I tend to be long winded, I’m sorry!). I’ve always felt compelled to write, be it stories, blog posts, long statuses, you name it. I’ve written for several different blogs in the past, and still write for a few now. I also write stories, and hope to write books someday, though I don’t feel that I’m good enough yet. For the last year or so I’ve felt compelled to start my own blog, to just share my musings. I’m not sure why. I’ve talked myself out of it a million times, telling myself “why bother? What could I possibly say that would interest people?” or “Do you really think anyone is going to read your stupid little musings and thoughts?” or better yet, “Who would be interested in your life?” All are excellent questions and good reasons to not go through with this blog. But while still going back and forth with the idea, I listened to Miranda Lambert’s new album, The Weight of These Wings. The first song on the record is called “Running Just In Case”. For some reason, one that I can’t even explain myself, the song really spoke to me. I liked the title “Running Just In Case”, it seemed really cool to me. The hook line in the song is “It ain’t love that I’m chasing, but I’m running just in case”. That line may not seem much like poetry to others, but it struck me. We do a lot of things “just in case”. We look both ways before we cross the road “just in case” there’s a car coming because we don’t want to get hit. We wear lifejackets when in a boat “just in case” we fall overboard. To make a ridiculously long story short, I decided to write just in case someone actually wanted to read this. I may not find anyone interested in reading my ramblings, but I’ll write them just in case I do.
I recently came across a quote by John Green that explained writing excellently: “Writing is something you do alone. It’s a profession for introverts who want to tell you a story but don’t want to make eye contact while doing it.” I’m extremely introverted. I claim that without any shame. I express myself and share best when I’m writing. If I want to tell someone how I feel, I write to them. I don’t call them or seek them out face to face because I’d just end up choking up and not being able to talk due to severe shyness and social anxiety. So I write. I hope that I don’t bore you and that you may be able to take something away from my writings or at least find them amusing. So, without further ado, I bring you Writing Just In Case. It’ll be a mixed bag, featuring posts with content ranging from fun and breezy to deeper stuff. Whatever takes my fancy. ;) Ultimately, Writing Just In Case is a blog about a young woman trying to navigate through faith, life, and everything in between.